My Truth

“My journey has allowed me to heal spiritually, emotionally, physically and energetically. It has been a beautiful process that has demonstrated the power of the mind and the Universal laws of love! Spirit has guided me every step of the way, all I had to do was let go and trust. Once I said “Yes” to life, I was led to all the right medical doctors, naturopaths, and healers so I could heal the underlying causes of my mast cell issues. Don’t get me wrong, I had to do the work, and it has been hard work. But I now have my life back, and that has made every bit of the hard worthwhile.”

THE TRUTH ABOUT ME!

For 34 years my truth (belief system) was that I was “the girl allergic to the world”. I saw myself living a life that was destined for one allergic reaction after another. A life that was built upon day-to-day thoughts about how to minimize my allergic reactions, while balancing marriage, kids, work, and social interaction. Everywhere I went, thoughts of “whose wearing perfume or scented laundry detergent, are their animals in the house, can I use this soap, can I touch this cart, where is my hand sanitizer, will I stop breathing if they accidentally put dairy in my meal” along with so many others consumed my days. More and more I lived in fear of what might happen in nearly every moment of every day. And overtime my husband and I built a safe cocoon in our home where I knew I was mostly protected. However, worry, doubt and fear led me to be very wary of venturing outside my protected space, and I began to hibernate more and more. 

No wonder I was always exhausted! 

Well, I have now said GOOD-BYE to that dialogue and hello to a NEW ME!! I now KNOW that I am healed. I now understand that all these reactions were merely my body shielding me from the world to protect me; that I no longer need protection and I am FREE to live in peace. FREE to live in pure health. FREE to explore the world, and trust that I am safe. 

Don’t get me wrong, I am not going around shoving cheese into my mouth (which in the past, would require an EpiPen and possible hospitalization). I am being smart – but not fearful.  I am trusting, believing, knowing, that I am Whole, that I am fully healed. I am also getting the care I need to back up that truth. I am living in a space of knowing I am healed, while also understanding that there is still clean-up to do. My body struggled for 34 years with severe allergic reactions, so I now get to be patient with getting it back in balance. Each day, my motto is “I am willing to go as fast as the slowest part of my body is able to go” (thank you Karen Druckers for your wonderful song that handed me this motto). 

So you see, I have transitioned from “the girl allergic to the world” to “the woman that said YES to a full and complete healing, and living a dynamic life of health and well being. I put in the hard work of letting go of my old story, and embracing a new life!  

Easy? Not even close. 

Worth it? ABSOLUTELY!!!!

AND YOU CAN DO IT TOO!!!

Here are a few other things I now know to be my Truth (and everyone else’s once you choose to tap into it):

  • I am a freaking warrior!
  • God is ALWAYS with me – ALWAYS!
  • My Angels, Guides, and Ancestors are with me daily, supporting me on this incredible journey – I am never alone, even when I feel alone!
  • I have gifts that are meant to be shared with the world – just like all of you reading this. We are all here for a Divine purpose, and I am so excited to move into this phase of my life where I am sharing my gifts with the world!
  • LOVE always exists. It is the one immutable truth on this Earth. And I am now saying Yes to it, allowing myself to embrace it at all times.
  • I Yes’d my healing! I chose this. And I am excited as I GET to Yes the continuous Unfolding of the Truth of Who I Am!
  • I am fully healed of all past traumas. The men that hurt me no longer have power over my body, mind, spirit, or energy!!
  • My physical body is a gift from the Divine that is allowing me to live freely in the beautiful human experience (This is much different from what I used to think which was that I came into this life with a broken vessel that would always create suffering).
  • Energy plays a far bigger role in our lives than I ever could have imagined. It is actually mind-blowing how much energy effects our day-to-day lives, and I am excitedly continuing to learn how to use this Truth in a positive, loving way to bring forth the life I am choosing to live from here on out.

My Old Story

Below is my old story! It is important because without all of it, I would not be where I am today. I am grateful for every experience, as each one has led me to know the Truth of who I am. Each bullet point has brought me to this beautiful place of knowing and loving me; of choosing peace and complete wholeness! 

Ages 0 - 10

Ages 0 - 10

Position

I come from two amazing parents who blessed my sister, brother and I with a truly beautiful life. We spent lots of quality time together and dealt with issues within the family with open communication and heart (for the most part – we definitely still had our share of issues, but managed to get through them fairly peacefully). I mention this, because it is important to know that I was very blessed with the support of a loving family. My village has always been large and I recognize the gift in this when it comes to the challenges I have had. 

As for my health, in the first 10 years I dealt with what seemed to be standard asthma and allergies, taking medication as needed to manage it, but not feeling like it was anything severe or worth worrying over. 

For the most part, I went about my days joyfully, and cherished our family vacations, learning to water ski, riding the horses my parents bought us, playing outside all hours with our friends and so forth. Life was good. I displayed no signs of severe health issues; no drama (other than normal family stuff like fighting with my siblings); no trauma. 

SO I THOUGHT. 

Ages 11 - 14

Ages 11 - 14

Position

This is where it gets real, and my vulnerable side wants to say no, don’t tell anyone – they will judge. Yet, my True self says it is time to tell my story – so the warrior in me is choosing to say 

“here we go!”. 

At age 14, I was visiting with a family I knew and trusted very much. My friend that lived in the house, whom we will call Joshua as to not reveal his true identity, invited me to join him and a few “friends” to a gathering. That was the first night I had ever drank alcohol or smoked weed, neither of which I went to the gathering planning to do. After we “partied”, I remember walking through a forest with the guys, then my memory is blank until the awful moment that I came back to conscientious, laying naked on the grass with trees all around and four or five guys placing their hands all over my body. And I mean ALL OVER and INSIDE JUST ABOUT EVERY SEXUAL PART OF MY BODY. I want to be clear that this was a molestation.

Joshua then helped me up and got me dressed. I sucked it up, somewhat blaming myself for getting drunk and high, and also not wanting to get Joshua in trouble or stir up trouble within the families. Choosing to NEVER speak about it to anyone again I held it in and tried to push the memories out of my mind. 

Ages 15 - 20 (Trauma)

Ages 15 - 20 (Trauma)

Position

Here comes another vulnerable moment: 

At age 15, my parents were out of town and I invited a guy I liked, my girlfriend, and her boyfriend over to hang out in my parents motor home. Alcohol was involved, and it became a make-out session. The next thing I knew the guy I liked asked me to have sex. I told him “no, I didn’t want to” and yet he kept asking. Over and over again, he kept asking. In the meantime, my girlfriend and her boyfriend were having sex in the top bunk of the motor home. At one point my own girlfriend told me “it was time I grew up” amongst other pressuring statements. She even stood over me telling me to grow up as he placed his penis inside me and I continued to say “no”. That was the night I lost my virginity. 

Luckily for me, I had written a letter to my friend about that horrible night, and her mom found it, passing it on to my mom. Therapy started shortly after, and I was able to work out many of my issues that stemmed from the rape. I still never spoke about the molestation at age 14, even with the therapist! 

I also want to say that at age 22 I ran into the guy that hurt me that night. He told me that there had not been a day that had gone by that he didn’t regret what he did to me, which was a very healing moment for me! 

Ages 15 - 20 (Health Issues)

Ages 15 - 20 (Health Issues)

Position

At age 15, I began to see the manifestation of a serious health issue that would take decades to understand and heal.

  • 15: Started my menstrual cycle
  • 15: Broke out in rashes all over my body, lost a ton of weight, & became very sickly
  • 15: Became highly allergic to many foods, including Dairy, Wheat, Corn, Soy, Sugar
  • 15: Started weekly allergy shots, and continued for a year with no improvement.
  • 16: Went to UCLA and they said they could not help because it was “just allergies”.
  • 16: Mom took me to see a holistic doctor named Matt Van Ben Schoten. He said I had a hole in my small intestines, amongst other things, and gave me herbs, which helped but did not cure.  
  • 18: Started working with another Naturopath, Dr. Joe. Worked with him for a couple years, which helped improve my quality of life, but did not cure the issues. 
  • 24-49: Tried MANY different healing modalities, either natural or Western, as you will see in the next bullet. 

Throughout all this time, I relied heavily on the love and support of my family and friends when I was down, and I lived as fully as I could, with a smile on my face and joy in my heart, when I was well.
It is important to note that at no time did I work on the spiritual aspects of healing during any of these years. 

Ages 21 - 39

Ages 21 - 39

Position

These two decades brought a lot of joy, new adventures, love, and also much pain and suffering. I am going to highlight the things that impacted my health/mindset the most, good or bad. 

  • 21: completed a course called “Lifespring” that greatly enhanced the way I looked at life and handled issues
  • 23: Dad was diagnosed with cancer
  • 24: Dad died of cancer
  • 25:  Moved to Oregon by myself (to escape the pain)
  • 25: Got pregnant, moved back to California, and had my daughter
  • 26: Mom began her search for answers after watching me suffer for so long and my dad died. She begun to study to be a Naturopath.
  • 27: The hormone change from the pregnancy caused a huge flair up in allergic reactions. Doctor suggested I move to a more humid environment, so I moved to Florida.
  • 28: Moved back to California to be closer to family again. 
  • 28: Met the love of my life
  • 28: Went back to college to study Nutrition.
  • 35: Got married and graduated college.

 

It is important to note that during these years, I had one allergic reaction after another. I was often sick with bronchitis, pneumonia, allergic reactions, and dealing with one rash after another. Overtime I became more and more afraid to go places, as I could rarely even go to other peoples houses due to their animals. The older I got, the more I began to hibernate in my safe, and sterile home, becoming afraid to touch things and separating myself more and more from Gods beautiful planet, afraid I would have a reaction to things I touched. Yet, I managed to work a full time job and raise three kids (my husband came with two wonderful additions to our family), staying grateful for what I did have, and believing that what I had to deal with “wasn’t as bad as others, so I can handle it”. My motto was to “keep on, keeping on!” I also tried MANY remedies for the allergic reactions. I had so many steroids, cortisone shots and antibiotics that I eventually became allergic to almost all antibiotics and Prednisone ended up causing worse rashes than the ones they cured. I turned to natural remedies as often as possible, which gave me some relief, but through it all, no doctor or naturopath ever found a solution.  These two decades brought a lot of joy, new adventures, love, and also much pain and suffering. I am going to highlight the things that impacted my health/mindset the most.

Ages 40 - 48

Ages 40 - 48

Position

This decade has proven to be the most difficult in my life, and has also led me to where I am today, so for that I am grateful!

  • 40: Our daughter was severely injured in a cheerleading accident – we almost lost her.
  • 40: I lost my job for taking too much time away from work to help my daughter. 
  • 41: I started my own business as a College Planning Consultant, and worked 10-12 hour days for several years.

After starting my own business, I became more and more ill, suffering from greater numbers of allergic reactions and one cold/flu after another. Vacations turned into trips to the hospital or just being miserable from all the intense allergic reactions to the new climate, a food I ate,  the sheets I slept in – you get the picture! Although I would push myself to do so, I was often afraid to leave my home. My friends and family went out of their way to clean their house good enough for me to visit, which often still led to an allergic reaction, or me having to take heavy drugs to avoid a reaction. More and more, I found myself hiding from the outside world, and my friends, and strangers alike, lightheartedly began to describe me as “the girl allergic to the world”.My allergen counts were higher than any others my MD had ever seen and he had no idea how to help. Dust mite allergies: 500x the average person. Food allergies: allergic to nearly all foods. In fact, my overall allergen count (IgE) was over 3200, when the usually accepted upper limit is between 150 and 300.  One doctor suggested 15-18 allergy shots per week, and mentioned that he didn’t even know if my body could handle it, or if it would help. Then one day, my MD mentioned that this might not be just allergies. “Maybe it was an autoimmune disease.” Autoimmune? hum, how had this not ever come up before? New tests were pulled, and much to my horror, my liver and kidneys were beginning to fail! This is when I new my body was shutting down, and I needed to do something drastic! This was the defining moment in my life when I got to chose to live or die.
AND, I CHOSE TO LIVE!

I CHOSE TO FIGHT.

I CHOSE TO SURRENDER.

 AGES 49-CURRENT

This is the time period that means the most in my life. Yes, I had a baby, married an amazing man, and graduated from college, which were all huge milestones that I mark as some of he best things I have accomplished in my life. But the last few years have been life changing in a very different way. The past three years have changed EVERYTHING I thought I knew about who I am in this world!

Where do I begin? Let me step back just a bit.

Summer of 2015 my family and some friends rented a lake house on the Delta in California. Water skiing is my favorite sport, and I was so excited to be in my happy place with my family and friends! However, within a few short hours of being in the water, I broke out in a crazy rash all over my body. It didn’t take long to realize I was having an allergic reaction to the Delta water. Now, to my defense, the Delta is surrounded by farmland, and I am pretty confident that pesticides run into the lake on a regular basis. But still – come-on! Within a day I was in the ER and spent the rest of my vacation in the extreme heat- unable to go in the water. 

Over the next few months, I continued to have more and more allergic reactions. Places I could once visit were no longer were safe for me. I was even having reactions to things in my own house, my safe space.  I had already been seeing Stephen Jarsky, DAOM, L.Ac. for several years, and to be honest, I don’t believe for a second that I would be alive if it weren’t for him. Stephen Jarsky uses muscle testing to determine which herbs my body need at each visit. At that time the herbs gave me peace and greatly reduced my suffering. They also kept my immune system somewhat stable, reducing the number of illnesses I had, and the length of time I was ill with each occurrence. Prior to working with Stephen Jarsky, I was getting bronchitis several times a year, and I could actually feel my immune system drop in minutes prior to getting sick. However, although they helped a lot, the herbs didn’t seem to be enough. In March 2017, my sister looked at me and said “you are dying. Enough!” We talked it over and she scheduled an appointment with a renowned Functional Medicine Doctor in Massachusetts. And off we went. 

Fifteen thousand dollars later, I was told that I was allergic to everything. – No shit:). He sent me home and said he was going to send me some allergy drops that he wanted me to use. However, after taking one drop of the formula he sent me, my face broke out in welts all over. Then he suggested I try worms. Yes, he sent me literature about worm therapy, and was hoping I would be willing to swallow live worms to see if it helped my gut biome. No thank you. I’m not mocking it, as it might be a great solution for some – but definitely not something I was willing to try.

Although that doctor was definitely not for me, I did learn a lot through the experience about functional medicine, and I knew that was the right path for me! I soon found another functional doctor named Dr. Craig Mortensen. His office was 2.5 hours away from me, but I loved him so much it was worth the drive. And he was A LOT less expensive! 

I worked with Dr. Mortensen on many issues starting with the most pertinent, my cortisol levels. I had severe adrenal fatigue from my body fighting so hard for so long, and I was in danger of no longer producing cortisol. For those of you that are number people, my cortisol levels were .6. and once they reach zero, I would be in trouble. He made it clear that my body would not withstand synthetic cortisol and that I needed to bring it up quickly. My first assignment was to nap every four hours! I LOVED that doctor 🙂

Over the next year,  Dr. Craig, worked with me on getting rid of the yeast overgrowth in my body, calming my overactive immune system and gut responses, and healing my liver and kidneys. We focused more on detoxing my liver, but that happened very slowly because every time I detoxed, it came out through my skin, setting me back. Overall we made great strides in calming my body down and reducing the number of allergic reactions,  however there was still so much to do. Due to the drive and the fact that he didn’t take insurance, I began looking around for another Functional Medical doctor and that was when I found Dr. Palinasamy – in San Francisco. Ha ha, the joke was on me because I went from a 2.5 hour drive to a 6 hour drive!

Dr. Palinasamy was an MD that took my insurance, and he also specialized in auto-immune diseases, so I scheduled my first appointment and, six months later, drove to San Francisco to see him. 

Now it is important to take a step back and mention that in that same year I made a few drastic moves – literally! My husband and I sold our house and moved to the beach; something my doctor had been suggesting for years. I also began listening daily to Reverand Micheal Bernard Beckwith at Agape and infiltrating my life with positive affirmations, music and spiritual lessons. I then sought out a local spiritual coach and began seeing Keya Murthy. She taught me about energy in relationship to the body and how to meditate. I was a complete novice in this area, yet something resonated deep in my soul each time I saw her. She also conducted healings that supported what Dr. Craig was doing. Keya inspired me to look for answers within, as well as outwardly.  

Now, back to Dr. Palinasamy. While I was in Northern California waiting to see him, I was staying in my brothers motor home, as I could not go into his house. I had been very ill and had a severe allergic reaction to an antibiotic so the rashes were even worse than normal. The day before my appointment I had a meeting with a healer over the phone. At that time I was desperate and willing to try anything! I got the surprise of my life when she knew things about me that she shouldn’t have known. In fact, one of the first things she discussed was the molestation at age 14 by a group of boys. She said this trauma had a lot to do with all the years of suffering, and that me not telling anyone was detrimental to health. The craziest part of her appointment was that I woke up the next day completely clear of all rashes! Gone. Completely clear skin. How was this possible? That was the day that I realized the role that energy truly plays in our lives, with regards to our health. I told myself that day, that if she can clear the rashes over the phone, then I must be more in control of my healing than I eve thought! But where do I start? 

Dr. Palinasamy kept me in San Francisco for a week while I took tests and we waited for the results. In our second meeting, the first thing he told me was that I needed to go home and begin seeing an NAET practitioner, immediately. NAET? What was that? I had never even heard the term before. Upon returning home with a new care plan, I began my research on NAET (Nambudripod’s Allergy Elimination Treatment: www.NAET.com). 

My first appointment was with Dr. Mala Moosad in Orange County – 2 hours away from home. And once again, the first thing she asks me about is the trauma I experienced between the ages of 13-15. Ok, this is not a coincidence! 

With NAET, the visits are weekly and short (about 30 minutes) so I decided to find one closer to home, which led me to Dr. Gary Erkfritz. The man, the legend 🙂

I saw Dr. Gary just about every week for a year. We cleared away the energy from the two sexual traumas at ages 14 and 15 and worked on many other imbalances in my body. Each week, we would clear away something new, addressing a variety of issues in my life. We focused on allergic reactions to specific foods, traumas, emotions, cellular memory issues from grandparents and other family members. We even dealt a little with past life traumas that had carried into this life. Don’t fret, if you don’t believe in this, the NAET doctor would never address it! 

One aspect of NAET that used to be so puzzling to me, is that I could not handle the treatments by myself. In the beginning I was getting very sick and feeling a lot of pain each time I would have a treatment. The treatments themselves are harmless. The NAET practitioner has you hold a vile of the items you are treating for (or the energy of it) in your hand. They then put a machine (similar to a gentle massager) up and down your spine several times. It has to do with brain and body balancing. Anyway, after a while, I became fearful of going to see him so Dr. Gary suggested I use a surrogate. That is when Grace Enriquez came into the picture. She was my surrogate until Dr. Gary retired, now she is my NAET doctor and we are working out the surrogacy concern using other individuals. 

Back to my story: Slowly but surely I became stronger and healthier. The allergic reactions reduced tremendously and my recovery time when I did have a reaction reduced as well. I began trying new things, going places I had been afraid to go, and even traveling a little. I was still requiring the magic herbs, so I viewed Stephen Jarsky, Dr. Gary, and Grace as the magicians  that were giving me life again!   

Until…

May 2019. I had been doing so well that I dared to go on a business trip to Washington DC. I held my energy the entire time and had a rockin’ conference. I even changed my flight to surprise my daughter (Katelyn) in Washington State for Mothers Day. While I was in Washington I sat on Katelyn’s couch, with her dogs hair all over it! I had zero issues! What! I believed I was healed.

1.5 days upon my return from Washington State, I broke out in a painful rash all over my body. From head to toe, the rash was everywhere. The herbs weren’t helping to reduce the symptoms, and Dr. Gary was on vacation for three weeks. When he returned we figured out it was an allergic reaction to the fabric softener I had been using for many years. They must have changed their formula, right?

Once that cleared, I had another reaction to chlorine in our shower water from the new house we had just bought and moved into. Again it was everywhere. So red, so irritated, so painful. We cleared the reaction to chlorine and boom, another allergic reaction to something I had been around for many years. What was happening? Stephen Jarsky was stumped, as his herbs had been helping all along to reduce the symptoms and make life functional for me. Yet they were no longer working. Dr. Gary was stumped as well. Three months in and still no answers. Just one reaction after another. 

I clearly remember the day that Dr. Gary told me, as tears dripped down his eyes, that he had no idea what was causing it all. He said it was coming from within my body, but he could not pinpoint where. Walking out of his office was one of the worst days I had experienced in a long time. On that sad day, all hope was left behind as I got into my car and drove away. 

That Sunday I sat in my bed crying. No, sobbing. If Dr. Gary and Stephen Jarsky were stumped, what next? There had to be an answer. I reached out to Lynn, the psychic healer, via email but knew I would not hear back from her for awhile. I then reached out to a Physic Medium, Jessica Sh. I had been referred to her by a friend and quite frankly, I was desperate! My initial meeting with Jessica changed me forever. She told me that my body was pushing out a trauma from when I was between the ages of 4-7 years old. She also told me that alcohol had a lot to do with my liver problems because I had been drinking during the second two traumas, and always put partial blame on myself for the fact that I had been drinking. Now, with that you must know that I have not been able to drink for many years. My doctors have said I have the liver of an alcoholic, yet I don’t drink because when I would drink my immune system would drop, and I would become very ill within a few days. Puzzled, I walked away from our appointment once again thinking of the correlation between energy and the body. 

After speaking to Jessica, I remembered that Dr. Gary had told me a year ago that I had another trauma when I was a young girl. I had adamantly said “no I didn’t, I had a great childhood” and made him stop probing. I went straight to Dr. Gary’s office from seeing Jessica and told him what she said. He did his magic muscle testing and agreed I had been molested. His tests showed that at the age of 6 years old my neighbor, John hurt me badly. I didn’t want him to treat me for it, as I knew I needed to process it all first. After-all, I had no memory of it whatsoever. 

I left his office stunned. How? Why? Where? Is this possible? 

I felt nothing. 

Once I got home I checked my email to see if Lynn had responded yet. And she had. She said that I needed to be gentle on myself as I was releasing sexual trauma from when I was age six. 

What? That was the third person in one day!

I then reached out to my mom and found out his last name, John Smith (he has passed on so I have no problem using his name). Instantly upon reading his name, my body began to tremble. I shook and my body spasm’d for about 45 minutes, at which time I knew this shit was real. I looked him up online and found his obituary with a picture. At first site, I screamed, as I knew he had hurt me badly. 

The next day, the flashbacks began and they were something I could never imagine. Horrific. That man was a terrible, terrible human being. He used tools inside me. He pushed me. He shoved me. I was six years old. Just a baby! 

The weeks following consisted of appointments with Dr. Gary and Grace, Stephen Jarsky, my hypnotherapist, and my spiritual counselors. I have never cried so much in my life. In fact, I cried, I screamed, and I spent many hours hiding in my bed under the covers as my husband tried to console me or get me to leave the house for a bit. 

Overtime a period of about three months the flashbacks subsided. The pain lessoned. The rashes slowly disappeared. Yes, the rashes disappeared! The allergic reactions to everything I touched, ate, or smelt stopped, and I felt as if I could breath again. I knew I was going to be ok! In fact, I slowly started to learn that I was going to be more than ok. 

I knew I was healed! I knew I was safe in the world.

I knew this was the answer, and I had pushed through the hardest of times and landed on my feet on the other side! 

My blogs share a lot more about my miraculous, life changing, wonderful, crazy, difficult, scary, healing process, and why I am so grateful for all of it

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