One of the biggest lessons I have learned over this past year is that everything I thought to be true about myself is actually less than 1% of my truth! For many years, I have thought I was born into this world destined to be allergic, just like others are destined to be depressed or alcoholics, or suffer from other auto-immune disorders, cancer, diabetes etc.
I have gone through life “getting by” as best as I can, handling all that life has thrown at me, and mostly with a smile on my face. I have accepted my “fate” of being allergic to most everything, all while still finding much joy in my life. I went to every type of doctor I could think of and did my best to manage the allergic reactions, all while living my life.
We worked around not being able to go to my family and friends houses as they had animals, not touching the grass so I didn’t break out in rashes, making sure the waiters at restaurants understood that I would stop breathing if I consumed dairy, tearing out all the carpet and drapes, covering all bedding to keep dust mites out of the house, and so much more.
Because that was my life. That was what I needed to do.
Now I am realizing that just because I am healed from the traumas, doesn’t mean that the old patterns of behavior are healed as well. I still cringe when the wind hits my face. I still stop before I touch just about anything that the public may have touched. I still hesitate before going out and find myself wondering what could go wrong.
With all the hard work I have put in, I still worry way too much.
So what do I do? Well, as I have said many times, I “Keep On Keepin’ On”! I allow myself to “make better mistakes” (I love that quote from the movie The Odd Life Of Timothy Green). I remind myself daily that it took 46 years for my body to learn these behaviors. I give myself grace knowing how much I have already undone in such a short period of time.
I have definitely learned to trust the healing process, and I am proud to say that I have become pretty good at it. So now I choose to see that the relearning process is simply another extension of the healing process! I get to choose to unlearn the old patterns and form new healthier patterns that allow me to live my best life!
Like everything else so far, this will take practice. This will take time.
However the first step is to say Yes to it. So I say Yes to letting go of old patterns that no longer serve me. I now know I am safe in this world. So I now say Yes to learning to live from that place of knowing I am safe.
And the second step is to continue my daily work to change the old patterns into new ones that serve the new ME! The work is far from over. In fact, I now know it never ends as we come to this Earth to learn. But the work in this particular of life arena is not over. I have a lot I get to do in order to fully move on from this process in my life. And I choose to do the work. I choose face the difficult, and embrace the awesome!