What a day I had yesterday! It was so spectacular, inspiring, miraculous, and even so difficult, that I just had to write about it!
It all started about five days ago when I ate a carrot and had a bad reaction around my mouth, which had become inflamed and itched so bad that I scratched and rubbed it with a towel until my chin was raw and the area below my mouth as bleeding. This wasn’t totally surprising because I had been staying away from carrots for a while due to similar reactions. However, I decided to try one again as it had been a long time, and I can often tolerate items that I have not eaten in awhile.
After recovering from the reaction I sat in meditation and saw, through the help of my guides, that I was able to work on clearing the reaction to carrots myself, as it is an emotional response in my body. Shortly after, I went back into meditation and felt into what my body was trying to tell me about carrots. I saw the anger and sadness that were tied to the reaction. I have learned how to do the work to clear emotions, so I allowed myself to experience the anger and the sadness in connection to the carrot, and, I released the emotions through my voice and through crying. However, I was not able to see how they were tied together.
Within a day after the above experience I began having flashbacks of a time in my teenage life when a young man was trying to get me to have sex with him; telling me I owed it to him. I refused, so he told me that I had been teasing him and, at the very least, I owed him oral sex. Well, the insecure child in me obeyed, and my nightmare began. We had been drnking alcohol and shortly after beginning the process of oral sex, I vomitted all over his penis! Yes, I really did. He became enraged and forced me out of the room. These flashbacks have been ongoing for the past week and I knew that I needed to process it, but I kept putting it off – until yesterday.
The night before last, my hubby and I ordered in and I forgot to tell them no carrots. As I sat at my desk working, the plate of carrots that were pushed to the side stared back at me. I kept telling myself to remove the plate, but oddly enough I left it their, allowing it to fester in my mind. During this time working on my desk I also began to have reactions to my lip balm, which I never react to!
I ignered it all, and soon after finishing my work, I went to bed.
Yesterday I woke up experiencing a a severe histamine reaction. I was itchy all over, especially around my neck, head, lips and mouth. I felt as if my body was about to explode, which now I understand to be energy, often in the realm of trapped emotions built up in my body wanting to be released. I told my husband that I had to process something big and I proceeded to my meditation chair.
Knowing it was time to address the forced oral sex, I sat in meditation and asked my guides and angels to support me in releasing the trauma from this event that happened over 32 years ago. I was able to see it all. The entire trauma unraveled in front of my eyes and I cried from the depths of my soul. I punched the air, as if I had a punching bag in front of me, I screamed, and I allowed myself to fully release the emotions from that day. I also saw several foods that were in my digestive track during that time, helping me understand the connection to the carrot and the reaction around my mouth when I ate them. I also have this reaction to other foods, and I have no doubt that that the connection is from the same trauma.
After processing the trauma and sitting in quiet for a bit to catch my breath, I suddenly felt a power come over me. I visualized myself standing over the young man and I spoke to him clearly, confidently, and boldly. I told him that he no longer has control over me, and I saw myself grow tall above him as he shrunk down to almost nothing. I was brave, confident, emboldened and proud of myself for facing this trauma and letting it go!!! I also then thanked my digestive track, my skin, my face and the foods I could see where associated with the event letting myself know that I am safe and that these foods no longer need to protect me (by reacting).
After working through all the emotions and seeing my new truth, I sat in quiet until my hubby came in to see if I was ok. We spoke for a bit about the possible trigger, as he was wondering if something he had recently done (playfully) had triggered me. I told him it did not matter, as he did nothing wrong or bad, and that I was so happy that I finally released this trauma from my body! I am incredibly lucky to have such a beautiful man by my side as I heal my life, but that is a whole different blog in itself!
Once my hubby left the room I sat knowing there was something more to do before completing the process. Quickly realizing that next step was forgiveness, I put on a guided meditation to help me focus on forgiving myself for all the years self abuse. Being brutally honest, rubbing my face with a towel and itching my body until I scraped the skin off or until I bled has been a regular practice for me for over 34 years. I understand now that I have been trying to rub the anger, sadness, frustration etc. off my body, and it makes me so sad to know I have done this to myself.
Yet, it doesn’t benefit me to punish myself for what I have done, so I will continue to practice self-love and let go of the behaviors and habits that negatively impact my body.
Yesterday was a major turning point for me! Not only did I release a major trauma that held energy in the form of trapped emotions in my face causing me to have reactions, but I also learned that I can heal myself! This was the first time I had released something of such significance without the help of my NAET practitioner or healer. The truth is we all have the ability to heal ourselves from these trapped emotions, and I am so grateful that I have put in the hard work to learn how to do it, and that I said yes to a full healing and then trusted the process so I could be led to this very day!
If I can do it – so can you. One step at a time, one day at a time, you too can learn how to heal yourself. Until then reach out to your healers and doctors and be brave by choosing to put in the work so that you too can release the trapped emotions that are causing havoc in your body and be free from your past!
I send you love and honor your healing journey. Namaste!